hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
