There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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