i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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