She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
