I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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