I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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