I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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