Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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