you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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