and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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