Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
