you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
