Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize