You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
