I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
