you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
