Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
