This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
