I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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