I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
