my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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