I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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