cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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