suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
