the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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