I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
