Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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