Acid is not a monday night drug
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
COCAINE IS GR8
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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