I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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