There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
