Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
