In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
