Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
