if you like me you must not know who I am
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
