I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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