The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
