did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
