i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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