so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
