careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
