things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
