she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
