I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
