ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
