I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
