how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
