they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
