and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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