i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
