My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
