Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
