At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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