the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
