The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
