you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
