i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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