I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It was confusing and full of hummus
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
