wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
