Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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