She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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