He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
