His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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