I'm going to jail i love you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
