I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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