i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
