I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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