glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
