Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
