yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
