I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
