I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
