My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
