I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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