she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
