I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
