I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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