Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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