He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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