I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
