loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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