Your tits are I can't wait for
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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